The other night, 12-year-old Anton and I were chatting at bedtime…

While lying under his glow-in-the-dark stars, after talking about fishing, drumming, and how he’s officially going to be a teenager this summer (!!), the conversation turned to love languages. I asked him if he’d ever heard of the pop-psychology concept about the different ways people express and receive love.

“There are five love languages,” I explained, then listed them:

* words of affirmation (giving compliments, telling someone how much you love them)
* acts of service (making someone breakfast, picking someone up from the airport)
* quality time (going on long walks, watching favorite movies together)
* physical touch (snuggling, shoulder rubs, holding hands)
* gifts (thoughtful things, they don’t have to be expensive!)

My dad’s? Stocking our cupboards with European cereals (acts of service). My mom’s? Words of affirmation, for sure. My own? Both words and physical touch.

Anton’s answer surprised me: “Definitely acts of service, like when you bring me apple slices while I’m doing homework,” he told me. “And quality time, like if we go on a bike ride or play Codenames.” I’d always thought his was physical touch — who doesn’t like a bedtime cuddle or back scratch? — but knowing that he feels extra loved when I do little things for him or we spend time together feels helpful.

Quality time with Anton

Last week, keeping this in mind, I surprised him with a bowl of Cheerios in bed before school (the joy!), then later listened to his drumming practice while asking lots of questions about technique and how he can possibly move his hands that quickly. It makes me feel so good to know that he feels cherished during those moments. Such an easy thing to ask and know!

Thoughts? What about your kids? Do you know their love languages? My niece told me hers was getting cat toys in the mail and playing BlockBlast on the sofa.

P.S. Tween love languages, and the funniest game to play with kids.