These past few months, as I’ve been getting my footing as a mom of three, I keep catching myself thinking, ‘How do moms who have more children ever do this?!’ Today, experienced parents share their tips, including a game for kids of all ages…

From Kate Baer, mother of four (aged 7, 9, 12, and 14):

1. If it’s quick, do it now. If something can be handled in less than a minute (permission slip, text to a teacher, signing a form), do it immediately. It’s not the big tasks that put me in a spiral, it’s the pileup of tiny ones.

2. Be the hosting house. When I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth, I fell into a dark hole of despair and overwhelm. One of the reasons was that I assumed no one would want to have a four-kid family over for dinner. It was one of my greatest fears, and guess what, it came true! The solution is to be the hosting house. We host everything from New Year’s Eve to the Fourth of July. It’s become one of my greatest joys.

3. Say ‘Let me think about it’ instead of yes/no to a request. A six-person family means a six-person calendar, and managing it is one of my part-time jobs. Overcommitting is the quickest way to kill family morale. When the kids ask if we can go somewhere or invite friends over, I give myself space to consider if that makes sense and prevent an emotional reaction from any of us.

From Shoko Tatara, a mother of five (aged 12, 21, 23, 25 and 27):

4. When all five kids still lived at home, eating dinner together every night was our time to bond. It’s during these meals that I learned who my kids’ friends were, what they were looking forward to during the week, and any other things that were going on in their lives. Eating meals together at the table can be hard to manage with young children, but as my kids grew older, it became one of my favorite parts of the day.

5. We’ve never flown together as a family because flights for seven people are expensive! But we do lots of road trips. For entertainment, we relied on games. One of our favorites was finding words in alphabetical order outside of the car (thank you, billboards). Everyone would end up playing, and it even helped teach the younger siblings how to recognize words.

From Caroline Chambers, mother of four (aged eight months, 3, 5, and 7):

6. Don’t overthink one-on-one time. With work and kid schedules, time can be tight, but even just spending 10 minutes with each child, like reading together, playing with the dog, or walking to the mailbox, makes us feel much more connected.

7. All four of my kids are under age eight, so there is lots of picky eating during meal time. Every kid has to at least try the meal in front of them, but if they truly don’t like it, they can have a sandwich. Letting go of the ‘eat all of your carrots!!!’ feud mentality has made our dinners more enjoyable.

From Kristin Young, mother of six (aged 13, 15, 20, 22, 24, and 26):

8. Teach them to wash their own laundry. As soon as each kid turned seven, we assigned them a laundry day because I was tired. On their day, they would start their wash before school, and I’d switch it into the dryer during the day. When they got home, they’d fold their freshly laundered clothes. Also, assigning their own laundry day is key to knowing who left behind a mess!

9. I realized we were throwing a birthday party every other month (!) so we stopped doing big parties. Instead, we celebrate as a family and let the birthday kid choose a friend to bring along.

tw: child loss
10. This paragraph talks about child loss, so please be aware, thank you: My second son, Colby, passed away at 15 from a brain tumor. After he died, my husband and I had to learn how to grieve the loss of a child, while also guiding a grieving family. We’re Christians, so we believe that we will see Colby again in heaven. What’s also helped is talking about him. For example, when we get donuts from Krispy Kreme, we’ll always say, ‘Colby would love this!’ We recognize that our kids will express grief in different ways. My oldest was Colby’s big sister, while our youngest was four when Colby passed — so both children had very different relationships with and memories of him. But we all deeply love and miss him; he was a great brother and son.

From Alex Steele, mother of four (aged 3, 7, 10, and 11):

11. I asked my older kids to read to my younger kids. At first, they pushed back, but when I explained that they’re helping their siblings’ brains develop (cool!) and they could pick whatever books they wanted (freedom!), they got into it. Three favorite books to read together are I Want My Hat Back, Rumpelstiltskin, and Extra Yarn.

12. I’m one of seven, and when we were younger, my mom came up with the game ‘Big Mouth.’ She’d take us to a park with a big stretch of grass. Then we’d all take a deep breath, and yell as we ran, as far as we could, without stopping to inhale. We would play it all afternoon. I still remember the joy I felt — the game fulfilled a deep need to have my own physical space. Now I play ‘Big Mouth’ with my kids at the beach, and everyone LOVES it, including myself.

13. When my kids aren’t getting along (which happens daily), I’ll tell them, ‘Look around. This is it. These are the people you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with. These are the people who will love you and be there for you. You need to take that seriously.’

Do you have or come from a big family? Any other tips? We’d love to hear.

P.S. Five tips for sibling rivalry, how to help kids feel safe, and what’s the age gap between your kids?

(Top photo by Kate Baer.)